Mourning Glory

At times in my life, it feels as though I’ve spent a majority of my time in pursuit of achievement, recognition, glory. I have dedicated so much of my past time and effort for success, and I have only received it in the most objective and vain sense of the term.

Throughout my education, I was taught by the adults in my life that doing your best, is only the best, if you are the best. So I worked hard and strove for this unattainable idea that had been placed in my head, but I wasn’t moving. I remained stagnant in this cycle of creating a goal, accomplishing it, being unfulfilled, repeat. I did complete a lot of now meaningless things that my resume and college applications craved, but my high school presidencies have little effect on how I am viewed by the rest of the world.

Meanwhile, I was receiving this glory for the triumph of my high achievement*, but I wasn’t glorious in any way. I was aware that the actions that brought me to the podium on my high school graduation day (to give the closing speech), were those driven by recognition and achievement and I would like to think that I spent my time humbly among my peers, but it may be truer to say that it was with a dose of self-righteousness.

Living life without these unattainable ideas has given me time to reflect and create and breathe without the fear of disappointing others. I see that surface level glory as dead, but in reality, it only existed like an imaginary companion; prolonged by the belief I had fed it.

 

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